


it'd be fine if it's the two of us

by niallszayn



Category: One Direction (Band), Shawn Mendes (Musician)
Genre: 5+1 Things, M/M, Making Out
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-20
Updated: 2017-11-20
Packaged: 2019-02-04 17:55:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,890
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12776328
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/niallszayn/pseuds/niallszayn
Summary: five times they kiss and don't talk about it, and one time they do





	it'd be fine if it's the two of us

**Author's Note:**

> so i stayed up until 5am to watch the AMAs and what did it give me? a bad case of feelings for niall and shawn...i took notes for this right after the AMAs so i stayed up even longer (yes, i hate myself), and then wrote this in record time considering i had really important stuff happening today. because of that rush, this isn't betaed and probably riddled with mistakes, i'm sorry!! i hope someone out there likes this, at least :)  
> title is from shawn mendes' _kid in love_

**ONE~**

The first time it happens is after the AMAs, when they’re at Niall’s house. There’s a whole bunch of people, Mully, Justin, the whole Canadian and Irish crew.

Niall and Shawn jam a little, have Justin take a short video of them duetting on _Mercy_ before the drinks are brought out properly and the actual party starts.

Niall loses his jacket, Shawn’s hair flops onto his forehead, everyone’s loud and rowdy and fun.

Much later, Niall’s sitting room is empty except for him, Shawn and Mully, who’s passed out on the floor a couple feet away.

Shawn’s a lot closer than Niall remembers him being when he looks over to him next, and it’s getting harder not to notice him. Sure, Niall’s seen his shoulders and has stood close enough he had to tilt his head up to look into Shawn’s eyes, but. That was different from here, them sitting in Niall’s quiet, dimly lit house, music playing on low volume in the background, with Shawn’s flushed cheeks and soft hair so close their thighs are literally pressed together. It’s a little overwhelming and Niall shifts a little.

He means to relieve some tension but Shawn follows his movement, eyes clearly stuck to Niall’s mouth. Niall licks his lip and Shawn swallows.

 _Shit_ , Niall thinks. _So that’s how it is?_

When he whispers, “Can I kiss you?” Shawn nods and lets him do the work.

He’s soft and pliant under Niall’s hands, under his mouth, lets Niall press him back into the cushions and kisses back a little deeper.

They don’t talk about it, after.

**TWO~**

The Jingle Ball Tour is good craic, Niall’s hanging out backstage with some of his best friends in the business and every night he’s on stage performing _This Town_ , seeing people sway to and sing along to his song, his own words.

It’s also where it happens for the second time. Backstage, after the last show when everyone is packing up and leaving for their hotels or the airport, Shawn finds him.

“So,” he says, “looks like we won’t be seeing each other for a while now, eh?”

“D’you reckon?” Niall grins, trying not to focus on how he has to look up again, how close Shawn is standing. His dressing room isn’t completely empty yet, there’s still stuff being carried outside. Tara looks inside and he waves at her, trying to signal that he’ll be out soon without having to look away from Shawn for too long. “You and me have been running into each other pretty regularly lately. And I’ll be back in LA in February for sure.”

“You’ve got my number,” Shawn says. “Use it.”

“We could go golfing when I’m back,” Niall blurts out, embarrassingly, anything so Shawn doesn’t leave yet. Also, the thought of seeing Shawn golf is...something, somehow.

“Golfing?” Shawn asks incredulously, laughter in his voice.

“It’s fun, promise,” Niall says. “Very relaxed, very private, no fans around. I could teach you a little bit.”

Shawn looks at him for a long moment, before he says, “okay.”

Niall grins, pleased. “Yeah?”

Instead of answering, Shawn kisses him. His hand is warm on Niall’s waist and his mouth is insistent, pressing closer until Niall gets it and kisses back, letting himself be pressed back against the wall, one hand clutching Shawn’s waist, the other slides up to his shoulder. It’s different from last time, Shawn is leading this time, one hand slipping to the small of Niall’s back, pushing until Niall arches his back, letting out a helpless moan. Shawn bites his lip and Niall clutches at his hair, wants to be closer still – and then Shawn steps back.

“See you soon, then,” he says, and then he turns around and leaves.

Niall’s head thumps back against the wall and he’s panting embarrassingly. If it hadn’t been for Shawn’s messed up hair and his blown pupils, he almost would’ve convinced Niall with his unaffected act. Niall bites his lip, grins to himself.

He’s gonna have to make a detour to the bathroom before he meets up with the rest, but it was worth it.

**THREE~**

Niall spends some time at home, both in London and Mullingar, plays golf, goes to a fashion show, does some writing – more than expected, actually, he’d thought he was almost done but he’s writing some really great stuff, right now – and texts Shawn. They talk about nothing and everything, and the only thing neither of them ever mentions is their kiss. Their _kisses_. Niall kind of can’t stop thinking about them, how soft yet strong Shawn is, how he’s just really fucking _big_. He kind of really wants to do it again.

When Niall first gets back to LA, Shawn isn’t there, and when he is, it’s never for long, and they never hang out just the two of them. Sometimes Niall will catch Shawn looking at him with hooded eyes, and his face burns so hot he’s sure everyone notices. If not that, then surely his own staring, because he just can’t get that under control.

The frustration isn’t made better by the fact that he keeps getting asked about Shawn in interviews, and that even though they still don’t talk about it, their texts have taken on a pretty flirty tone.

Even when Shawn comes over to write, which they never actually get to even though they try twice during the spring alone, Mully doesn’t get the hint and stays with them the whole night. The closest they get to doing anything is when they’re watching a movie after they’ve had a few beers one night. Mully’s on the other side of the sofa when Shawn’s foot suddenly nudges Niall’s under the coffee table. It feels electrifying, almost, secretive and very exciting when Niall nudges back.

He shifts his weight so he’s closer to Shawn on the couch, close enough to feel the heat emanating from him. Shawn lets out a breath that sounds a little like a sigh and shifts as well, until their shoulders are touching. Niall bites his lip to keep from smiling, and slides his hand across the sofa until he finds Shawn’s, doesn’t look over when he carefully moves his on top, fitting his fingers in between Shawn’s. He pulls up a leg onto the couch to shield them from Mully’s eyes and Shawn turns his palm up, holds Niall’s hand for real. He doesn’t let go until the movie ends.

Their goodbye hug lingers longer than necessary, but neither of them mentions it.

~

A few weeks later, Shawn finally takes Niall up on his offer to take him golfing. They spend the day at the Riviera, messing around, hitting balls and probably being too loud for a fancy Country Club, but Niall is enjoying himself too much to care. He shows Shawn how to swing, stands close behind him, arms going around him to demonstrate how to move. He doesn’t tell Shawn he doesn’t usually take this hands-on approach to teaching someone how to play golf. Shawn doesn’t complain, on the contrary, he keeps asking Niall to show him again. And Niall does.

They have a beer on the patio later, cooling down, and neither of them speak for a while. They look at each other, though, and Niall takes a big gulp of his pint to hide the shiver running down his spine at Shawn’s gaze. He can’t believe an 18-year-old is making him feel this way. Even if he doesn’t look like 18 at all, with his fucking Michael Phelps shoulders and his stupid 6 foot 2.

“We could watch a movie at mine, after,” he finds himself saying, and Shawn grins, just a little bit of dirt to it.

“Sure, yeah. Is Mully gonna be there?”

“Dunno,” Niall says, scratching his neck. “Don’t think so.”

Shawn’s smile is dirtier this time. “Good.”

~

Niall doesn’t even know why they pretend they’re gonna watch a movie. He puts in some action film, doesn’t really even look at the cover, and heads over to the couch. He sits down as close as he can without going right for Shawn’s lap, drops his hand onto his thigh as casually as possible.

He doesn’t look over to see how Shawn reacts, and suddenly he’s being pushed onto his back, Shawn hovering over him. Niall grins, pleased, adjusts his legs so they’re both more comfortable.

“Been wanting to do this all day,” Shawn says, and leans down. Niall meets him halfway, opens up right away, hands roaming over Shawn’s broad shoulders and back. He feels so good and Niall opens his legs, pulls a little until Shawn gets the hint and eases down. He’s heavy, but in the best way that makes Niall feel safe instead of suffocated.

This time, there’s no hiding this affects Shawn just as much as it does Niall. They’re pressed against each other so close Niall can feel him harden against his thigh, bends his leg a little bit to tease him and Shawn pinches his side in retaliation. Niall laughs, squirms away and promptly topples them over, off the sofa.

“Ow,” Shawn says, laughing as he sits up, rubbing his elbow. Thankfully, Niall’s rug is pretty soft and cushioned their fall so they’re both laughing, scrambling into a sitting position.

“Sorry,” Niall says, grinning as he shuffles closer. “I’m ticklish.”

Shawn isn’t laughing anymore now, staring at Niall’s mouth again. “I could tell.”

Niall bites his shoulder, rubs his stubble along his neck before he presses a kiss under his chin, smiling when Shawn groans quietly and tilts his head back to give him better access. They make out lazily, sitting on the floor in front of Niall’s sofa, until the movie is over and Shawn says it’s time for him to leave.

Once more, the night isn’t brought up any of the other times they hang out over the next few weeks. It’s never just the two of them – they’ve somehow managed to accumulate a mutual friend group so they see each other pretty often, but Niall still misses him.

It’s pretty pathetic.

**FOUR~**

In June, Shawn has a show at the O2 in London, and invites Niall to it. He doesn’t want to go by himself, feels like that would make it look too much like a date and he really doesn’t want to scare Shawn off. He thinks about asking his cousins, but at least Willie is gonna see right through him if he sees them interact at all, he knows Niall too well. Instead, he ends up taking his friend Mark and their Modest!Golf client Christiaan as a buffer.

The show is incredible, Shawn still blows him away even after having seen him perform as often as he has, and he feels ridiculously proud of him for selling out O2 Arena. They don’t go backstage until after the show, and Shawn sweeps him up in a hug as soon as they step into his dressing room. He’s sweaty but Niall clings to him, presses his face into Shawn’s shoulder. He can’t resist, when they finally pull apart, Niall brushes his lips along Shawn’s neck lightly, just enough for him to feel it, and watches Shawn shiver. It’s hard, after, trying to make conversation with those of Shawn’s crew he knows while Shawn chats with Niall’s guests. They take a picture and before they step away, Shawn squeezes Niall’s waist and jerks his chin to their left. Niall raises an eyebrow in response, not completely sure what he’s meant to do. He gets it when Shawn apologises and says he needs to take a shower.

Niall only hesitates for a second before he mumbles something about having a wee and follows Shawn out of his dressing room.

He’s waiting for Niall in the waiting area in front of the bathrooms, and his face lights up when Niall finds him. “Got it, eh?”

“Missed you,” Niall says and then he’s got his arms around Shawn and they don’t talk at all for several glorious minutes.

“I better take that shower,” Shawn says eventually, “and you should head back.”

Niall nods, but first, he lifts a hand and places it against Shawn’s jaw, stands on his tiptoes to kiss him once more, softly.

When he pulls away, Shawn opens his eyes very slowly, and Niall _wants_. Wants this all the time, and for Shawn to want it too. But he has to go, so he picks up his hat that Shawn had knocked off, and turns around.

“See you in a bit.”

**FIVE~**

A week later, they meet again at the Capital Summertime Ball. Over the entire week, Niall can’t stop thinking about Shawn and pretty much counting down the days until he sees him again. He’s stopped lying to himself, at least. There’s no pretending that Niall hasn’t gone and has proper fallen for Shawn over the past eight months or so. But they’re both popstars, very much in the public eye, both straight to the general public. Shawn’s young, and Niall doesn’t want to put that pressure on him, when he probably doesn’t even feel the same way. Obviously, Shawn likes kissing Niall, but that doesn’t mean he wants to date him. Be with him.

With that realisation in mind, Niall’s looking forward to Summertime Ball and dreading it equally, and he’s jittery, more nervous about seeing Shawn than performing in front of 40.000 people in Wembley Stadium.

He hangs with Liam for a while, talks to Julia Michaels, Dua Lipa and Olly a bit, films a few things with Roman Kemp, chats to Hailee and Marvin and everyone else he meets, soundchecks with the band, and is thoroughly unprepared for the way he feels when he sees Shawn first. The hug is way too short, but Niall still thinks Shawn can feel the way his heart is pounding. There’s too many people around but they still stick close for a few minutes, catching up as if they haven’t just seen each other a week ago.

Niall watches him perform from the side stage, feels like he could burst with pride and is embarrassed about that at the same time. He hopes no one notices the smile on his face that he has very little control over. When Shawn comes off stage, that grin grows even bigger, and Shawn laughs right back at him, giving him another sweaty hug and swinging him around once. Niall kisses his cheek and lets him go.

They don’t cross paths again until the after party, where Niall only plans to drop by for an hour or two. He’s been so busy lately with promo and putting the finishing touches on his album that he’s come to hate late nights.

There’s a hand wrapping around his wrist and when Niall turns around, Shawn’s grinning down at him. “Can I steal you for a few minutes? I have to catch an overnight flight back home in two hours.”

Niall’s heart drops at that, but he manages to smile at the people he’d been talking to anyway. “Excuse me,” he says, more formally than he usually would, but this is…he doesn’t like saying goodbye to Shawn, especially if he can’t sulk by himself afterwards.

He’s a little fucked, it seems.

They find a remote corner, sheltered from views, before Shawn grabs Niall’s face between both of his hands and kisses him. It feels different from their other kisses, rough, almost desperate. Niall pushes at Shawn’s chest, pushes him up against the wall and gives as good as he gets, hands clenching in the fabric of Shawn’s t-shirt.

“When will I see you again?” he pants, pulling away.

“I don’t know,” Shawn says, just as breathlessly. He kisses Niall’s cheek, his temple, his lips, and Niall swallows. “Text me when you’re in LA?”

“’course,” Niall says. “Always. You too, please.”

Shawn nods, kisses him again. Niall’s never wished more they had more time. He thinks this is just as hard for Shawn, saying goodbye for who knows how long, and he wants to tell him everything, admit his feelings, but Shawn’s halfway out the door and it’s not the right time.

So they don’t talk.

**FIVE + ONE~**

They keep missing each other after that, never in one place at the same time because Shawn is touring the USA while Niall is in Australia, then back in England preparing for his own tour. Sometimes Niall works up the nerve to FaceTime Shawn, but they mostly text. It makes it easier, dealing with these feelings he’s caught, but it doesn’t make them go away. Time absolutely flies by, but at the same time it’s the longest four months of his life, it feels like, until they finally manage to see each other in LA in early October.

Niall has a break from tour to focus on album promo and Shawn’s there to record for his new album. It’s not exactly what Niall had been hoping for, because it turns out Shawn’s family is there too and they have no time alone whatsoever, but it’s good nonetheless. He gets to look at Shawn’s not grainy, not shaky, three-dimensional face, gets to sling an arm around his shoulder, gets to lean into him when he wants to feel his warmth, gets to hear his laugh without it being contorted through phone speakers or a number of characters on his screen. It’s pretty wonderful, and when they hug goodbye in the hallway of Shawn’s LA apartment, they have a few precious moments to themselves. They spend it wrapped around each other, as close as they can get, and when they pull apart, Shawn presses a lingering kiss to Niall’s cheek.

“I’ll see you soon,” he says, and his mother yells another goodbye from the kitchen. It’s what stops Niall from kissing Shawn, even though he wants to something bad.

~

When the AMAs nominations are announced, Shawn texts him _you taking a date to the AMAs?_

 _Nah_ , Niall texts back, _just mully probably . you ?_

_Me neither. Good :)_

It feels like…something.

~

Niall likes dressing up in a nice suit for award shows, and he’s genuinely excited for the AMAs, the buzz, seeing all the people he only meets at this kind of thing, the music. Mostly, he’s excited to see Shawn again.

They’re sat right next to each other in the front row, but they meet first right after the Red Carpet. It’s very busy around them, and in the commotion, Niall grabs Shawn’s hand. Shawn looks down at their hands, then at Niall’s face and smiles.

“This isn’t the place,” Niall says quietly, his heart pounding so loud he can hear it in his ears. “But can we talk, maybe? After, or tomorrow? I’ve got…a couple things I should tell you.”

Shawn blushes, and Niall feels his heart pick up speed. Maybe this is it, finally. “Yeah, yes, definitely. Tomorrow morning, maybe? I want to, I don’t know, have it be just about that, okay?”

Niall feels as if his grin is gonna split his face any minute now. “Yeah, ‘course, I’d love that.” He squeezes Shawn’s hand and lets go reluctantly. At least they’ll be close for the whole show.

~

When he wakes up on Monday morning, Niall still has a smile on his face.  It’s been a good night, his performance went well, he won the award he really wanted, he got to hug Shawn first after his win, watch proudly from the side of the stage as he made his thank you speech. Shawn posted a picture on his Instagram that’s really anything but subtle, and Niall blushes when he thinks that this is how they’ve been smiling at each other all night. If Shawn’s willing to post that on his Instagram, then Niall thinks he has every right to feel hopeful about their talk.

He throws Olly and Mully out of the house after breakfast, tells them to do whatever as long as they don’t come home before tonight.

Then he paces nervously, trying to decide if he wants to cook them lunch later or if he’d rather order in. Cooking might be more romantic, but if things go well, they might be too busy to actually cook. He’s getting ahead of himself, wipes his hands on his jeans and runs one through his hair. It feels like he’s been building up to this moment for months, since he first realised what he feels for Shawn is the real deal. He’s wanted to tell him for so long, but this is something he should do in person, for sure.

“Hey,” Shawn says when Niall opens the door, and his smile looks as nervous as Niall feels.

Niall pulls him inside and shuts the door behind him. “Hi,” he says back and thinks, _fuck it_. It’s against everything he had planned, but he stretches upwards to kiss Shawn, and he gets it immediately, meets him in the middle.

It’s not their first kiss by a long shot, but it kind of feels like what romantic movies make you believe the first one should feel like. Hopeful, full of promises.

When they part, Shawn moves his hand up from the side of Niall’s neck to his cheek, soft smile on his face. “That what you wanted to say?”

Niall shrugs, running a careful hand down Shawn’s back, and presses a kiss to his chin. “I didn’t plan to kiss you before you’d even come in properly,” he admits. “But I was hoping it’d lead to that.”

“So was I.”

“I thought you might,” Niall says. “I just…dunno, feel like I should say something anyway. Cause…it needs to be said. Look, Shawn.” He swallows, but the look in Shawn eyes makes him continue. “I know you’re only 19, and I’m putting a lot of pressure on you here, but I kind of…really don’t want to kiss anyone but you. And for you to kiss no one else, too.”

Shawn giggles, and it’s probably the cutest thing Niall’s ever heard. “For someone who writes songs for a living, you’re really bad with words, babe.”

“That’s why I usually sing about my feelings!” Niall protests, but he’s laughing. “I sort of love you a little bit, okay? And I want to be your boyfriend.”

Shawn kisses the laughter from his lips, and Niall feels lightheaded with it. A year, the whole past year has been leading up to this moment.

“I sort of love you a little bit, too,” Shawn says. “And we can take it slow, we don’t have to, like, make out in the middle of LA right away. But I don’t want to hide us, either, ‘cause you kind of make me really happy.”

“That sounds good to me,” Niall says, and he’s probably gonna float away like a balloon filled with happiness any second now. “But can we leave the hallway, now? I have a couple of things I’d like to do with my boyfriend, and none of them involve the hallway.”

Without a word, Shawn grabs him, throws him over his (really unfairly broad) shoulder, and carries him into the living room. He drops Niall onto the couch carefully and smiles down at him from where he’s hovering above him. “Better?”

And Niall really means it when he says, “Perfect.”

**Author's Note:**

> i've always wanted to write a 5+1 times fic...didn't think it'd happen like this  
> THIS IS SO SAPPY SORRY tell me what you think maybe? thanks for reading!!


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